Locked Away
by MissLovelyPrincess
Summary: When Amano Ichigo sacrifices her life for Kashino's, she is allowed to live for three extra years- provided that she never reveals her true feelings or anything that happened in the past. If she does, it will cost her life. But when she falls in love with Kashino a second time, she finds herself struggling to keep her feelings locked away for much longer...
1. Remember

**Kashino: I thought you said you quit.**

**Me: I did! I'm just writing this because I suddenly feel like it... -^.^-**

**Kashino: Yay. XP**

**Me: This chapter is dedicated to everyone in my list of favorite authors. If you're in there, that means you've once reviewed, favorited, or followed one of my stories. Thank you, all of you... :'D Without you, I would never have made it so far.**

* * *

**Ichigo's POV**

Have you ever wondered what it's like to be dead?

I used to think that when you die, it's like a dream. Except no matter what you do, you can never wake up.

Well, now I'm actually dead. And it's _nothing_ like that.

It's much worse.

I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to forget. Trying to delete all those memories.

But it doesn't work.

I remember it all so clearly.

Ever since I was little, I've had severe cancer. The doctors told me that I wouldn't live for much longer.

I remember crying for a long time, unable to accept the truth. And everyday, I asked the same question over and over again.

_Why?_

Why did life have to be so cruel?

What had I ever done to deserve this?

For years, I cried a lot. My heart was like glass, too easily shattered.

That was when I met Mako-kun.

He was the boy next door. One day, when my parents were busy at one of Natsume's piano recitals, he came over to my house. We both loved sweets, so he taught me how to make a Sourire de l'Ange. I remember I added too much flour and accidentally burnt it.

No matter how hard I tried to hold them back, the hot, angry tears spilled out of my eyes. I couldn't do anything right. So I really was useless after all...

Suddenly, I felt two warm arms around me.

They were Mako-kun's.

He held the plate in front of me. "Ichi, why don't you try it?"

I hesitated. Then slowly, I took a bite.

I will never forget that first bite.

I remember tasting those sweet, jewel colored strawberries, each arranged to form perfect hearts on the snow white cream.

Somehow, it had a strange sweetness I couldn't describe. A sweetness that made my heart ache with happiness.

Almost like... the sweetness of a first love.

And the strange thing was that the instant I tasted it, a smile lit up my face.

* * *

From then on, we became best friends. He was the only one who truly understood me. Whenever I cried, he stood by me quietly. Not talking about it, not being annoyed. Just understanding.

When no one understood me, he did. He knew all my secrets, and I knew all of his.

He was the only one who could make me smile.

Mako-kun told me to always live life to its fullest. To treasure the surprises and learn from the mistakes. And slowly, I saw that life could be beautiful.

It was my eighth birthday. My parents had gone to another one of Natsume's piano contests, so Mako-kun came over. He made me a strawberry tart.

But most of all, I remember that feeling. It felt so strange, so surreal.

_Happiness._

I remember he was crossing the street to go back to his house when suddenly, I saw it.

That car.

My eyes widened, my heart stopping. No. No. NO. This couldn't be happening!

That was when I realized that I couldn't just stand there and watch Mako-kun die. It was such a strange feeling. So I did the only thing I could.

I ran into the street and pushed him aside.

The car skidded to a halt, but it was too late.

It hit me.

Suddenly, I felt a sudden pain in my heart. It stung. I remember falling to my knees, gasping for air.

"Ichi! ICHI!" There were tears in Mako-kun's golden eyes. "Please, don't leave me!"

With the last bit of strength in me, I took hold of his hand. "Mako-kun... thank you. For everything."

Then everything blacked out.

* * *

When I finally awoke, there was just darkness. Then, a light flashed in the darkness.

It was a computer screen.

I hesitated, then reached out and touched the screen. The a sentence appeared on it.

_Message transferring._

Suddenly, I felt a voice. I couldn't hear it, but somehow I could feel the words in my heart.

_Amano Ichigo._

"Please, let me see Mako-kun again. Please..."

_You should understand that after you die, your heart is set free. _

_However, you died saving someone else, altering fate._

_Because of this, you will be allowed to live for 3 more years as an angel._

_However, you must sacrifice something. If you reveal your true feelings or anything that has happened in the past, you must sacrifice your life._

A white rose appeared in the darkness. It glowed brilliantly, almost like a star. Suddenly, I remembered. That was the flower Mako-kun gave me on my first birthday we spent together.

Every day we watered it. But the strange thing was, it never wilted. Mako-kun said it was bond by all the memories we had together, almost like part of our hearts. He promised that our love would always live, no matter what.

_When your time is up, the white rose will turn red and your memories will fade away along with your life._

_But if you reveal your true feelings or your past, the rose will wilt and you will die painfully with it. Do not break your promise. You have exactly three years, live them well._

All of a sudden, there was a flash of blinding light. Then I was standing in front of a tall building. I stared up at it in shock.

On the building were three words.

_St. Marie Academy._

* * *

I smiled. I remembered Mako-kun told me about it a long time ago. He had always said it was his dream to study at there and become a Patissier.

I looked up to see a statue the Queen of the Sweets Spirits. I knelt down in front of her, closing my eyes. _Please, let me be together with Mako-kun before my 3 years are over..._

Slowly, I stood up and ran towards the door to the school. "Wait for me, Mako-kun!"

I searched everywhere, looked into every classroom. When I finally found him, he was sitting alone, watching the sunset._  
_

_*Flashback*_

_"Mako-kun! What are you doing?" I asked, sitting down next to him._

_He laughed. "I'm watching the sunset." He stared into the sky. "Isn't it beautiful?"_

_I nodded. The sun was a beautiful golden, creating an explosion of crimson and gold in the sky._

_"Whenever I look at the sunset, I see a strawberry tart. The bright red strawberries, the golden crust... it gives you a happy feeling inside, doesn't it?" I smiled._

_Mako-kun laughed. "It's almost like hope." He said quietly. "Even if you can't see it, it will always be there."_

_*Flashback Ends*_

He looked just like he was when I had last seen him, just older. But there was something unfamiliar in his golden caramel eyes, something I had never seen before.

"Mako-kun!" I ran over to him. "Mako-kun, I missed you!"

He ignored me. "Go away. I don't have time for fangirls like you."

"W-What?" I uttered. I didn't get it. Didn't he remember me?

"I said, stop bothering me! I'm busy!" He yelled. There was a sad glint in his eyes. "And don't call me Mako-kun."

He stood up and walked off, leaving me still standing there, frozen.

Tears pooled up in my eyes. It was useless to try anymore, wasn't it?

I gazed onto the sunset. When I was with Mako-kun, it was warm and beautiful. But somehow, it seemed cold and empty. Like there wasn't any hope left at all._  
_

No. NO! I couldn't give up now! I would find Mako-kun someday. Someday...

I collapsed onto the ground, tears flooding my eyes. I tried to remember what Mako-kun had told me. That life could be beautiful.

But really, I didn't see anything beautiful anymore.

* * *

**Kashino: WHAT THE HECK DID I JUST READ?**

**Me: Umm... I don't know. -.-" It didn't make much sense to me either...**

**Anyways, sorry it was so boringly horrible! But please, please review... **

**If I get 20 reviews I'll update it. ****BUT that's impossible, so... -.- I'm really sorry for wasting your time...**

**Kashino: ...SO, MAKE SURE YOU DON'T REVIEW!**

**Me: T.T**


	2. Tears

**Me: IT'S MY BIRTHDAY TODAY! I'M FINALLY 12! :D**

**Kashino: Yay.**

**Me: XP**

**Anyways, I know I wasn't supposed to update this unless I got 20 reviews. But... I don't know. I just thought it would be bad not to write something on my birthday, so here's chapter 2~ -^.^-**

**Kashino: ****Please enjoy this stupidly cheesy story or Elise will be very depressed. XP**

**Me: -.-"**

* * *

"I'm sorry..." I looked down at the burnt mille crepe I had made. So it really was useless after all, wasn't it? I could never be as good as Mako-kun was. "There really is a big difference..."

Ameya-sensei crossed her arms. "A group, minus ten points."

Murmurs echoed through the classroom. "What's happening?"

"She's not qualified to join the A group, is she?"

I tightened my grip on my skirt, my hands trembling slightly. "Um, I've never made a mille crepe before..."

I looked away, tears pooling up in my eyes. "More like... I... am a beginner at pastry making!"

"What?" My classmates stared at me, shocked. I felt my cheeks heat up in embarrassment. Was this really the right thing to do? I had wanted so badly to be with Mako-kun. But for someone as untalented as I was, it seemed hopeless..._  
_

Mako-kun cut a piece of my mille crepe and tasted it. "Certainly, it has a beginner's taste."

He glared at me coldly. "Amano, this should be ten days after you received the school enrollment notice.

I nodded, averting his glance.

"You're a year behind all of us, didn't you think of practicing at all?" His voice was so cold, so cruel. So unforgiving. Was this really the Mako-kun I'd known for so long?

"Could you be thinking that you yourself are an idiot, so someone could teach you personally?"

I looked down, fighting to hold back the tears that threatened to spill out. "H-How could that be?"

"You're naïve. Our aim is to become professionals." He yelled. "If you don't have the determination, go back home!"

I bowed, my tears finally overflowing. It felt like my heart was breaking. Why was Mako-kun so different? I didn't get it. What about all the time we spent together? Didn't he care anymore? It was painful, so painful.

"I-I'm sorry..." I whispered.

Then I ran out of the room.

And I didn't stop running until I found myself standing at the bus stop.

* * *

I shuddered in the pouring rain. The threads of water seemed to fall endlessly, just like the tears streaming down my cheeks. I was drenched, but I didn't care.

_"If you don't have the determination, go back home!"_ Mako-kun's words echoed in my mind. And as much as I hated to admit it, he was right.

_Why did I have to be so stupid? _I clenched my fists. _Why couldn't I have done something right for once?_

Lightning flashed, followed by a deafening bolt of thunder.

_*Flashback*_

_"You got a 25? SERIOUSLY?" The boy teased._

_ I grimaced, holding my test closer to me._

_____"Really?" His friend's face spread out into a wide, evil grin. _"Look, everyone! Amano got a 25 on the test!"

_"What a careless idiot!"_

_A silent tear slid down my cheek. They were right, I was just stupid._

_"Look, she's crying! So the idiot is a crybaby too!"_

_Suddenly, someone stepped in front of me. __"Leave her alone!"_

_My eyes widened, my mouth dropping open._

_It was Mako-kun._

_"Stop teasing her, that's not true!" He yelled. "It takes more than a simple test score to show that someone is stupid."_

_My classmates mumbled something about us being 'two lovebirds', but nonetheless ran off to do something else._

_Mako-kun knelt down beside me. "Ichi, are you okay?"_

_I nodded, smiling up at him through my tears__.__ "Thank you, Mako-kun."_

_He laughed. "No problem. We're friends, right?"_

_*Flashback ends*_

A tear fell to the ground.

Mako-kun was my _friend_. Even when I made mistakes, he always encouraged me. But now...

_"If you don't have the determination, go back home!" _

I came here to find Mako-kun. Thinking, hoping that we could still relive those memories. But we couldn't. There was no hope anymore.

The bus arrived at it's stop, the door opening. I was about to get on when I stopped._  
_

_*Flashback*_

_The sun was setting, enveloping the world in a deep blue. One by one, the stars were appearing in the sky,_

_"Mako-kun..." I murmured, lying on the grass._

_"Yes, Ichi?" He looked over at me. His golden eyes seemed to shine brighter than all the stars combined. "Do you need anything?"_

_"I was just wondering... if I ever left you, would you still love me?" I looked away. "I'm sorry for asking..."_

_Mako-kun laughed. "Of course I would! Even if I could never see you again, no one could ever replace you."_

_I smiled. "Promise?"_

_He nodded, returning the smile. "Promise."_

_*Flashback ends*_

"Miss, are you going on the bus or not?" The bus driver asked, a hint of annoyance in his voice.

I thought for a moment. Then I shook my head, smiling slightly. "No. Thank you for stopping."

The bus driver nodded. The doors closed and the bus drove off, leaving me still standing there in the rain.

I clenched my fists. _You just see, Mako-kun! I'll try my best not to lose to you at making sweets. And someday, you'll finally remember me!_

I tried to convince myself it was true. But I just couldn't.

The hope in my heart, once a brilliant light, was now nothing more than an uncertain glow.

A dying light just moments from vanishing.

Just moments from leaving only darkness behind.

* * *

"It's Mako-kun's birthday tomorrow..." I sighed, staring at the ingredients in front of me. "I should make something for him..."

Then I remembered.

The Sourire de L'ange, the first sweet Mako-kun had taught me how to make.

_But I can barely make it without messing up... _I looked down, clenching my fists. _No matter what, I can't disappoint Mako-kun!_

I picked up a strawberry, my hands trembling. It brought back so many memories.

Mako-kun had told me that when you make sweets, you have to express the feelings of your true heart. You can't make people smile if you aren't happy yourself.

But I_ wasn't_ happy.

I couldn't tell him my true feelings. We'd never be Ichi and Mako-kun again.

How could I be happy when things were so hopeless?

I felt tears welling up in my eyes. Hot, angry tears. But I brushed them away. No matter how hard things were, I had to try.

I just didn't know if it was any use anymore...

* * *

"Mako-kun..." I trailed off, unsure of how to continue.

"What do you want?" He demanded, not looking up from the chocolate he was tempering.

I smiled lightly. "I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday."

He stared at me, his eyes wide with surprise. "You... remembered?"

"Y-Yeah." I glanced down at the box in my hands, then handed it to him.

"What is this?" He muttered, a clueless expression clearly etched on his face.

Despite myself, I chuckled lightly. "It's my present to you." Then I added, "Open it."

Mako-kun seemed to hesitate for a moment. Then he reached out and lifted up the lid.

Instantly, his caramel eyes widened. "Did you... make this?"

I nodded. "I don't have much practice, so it probably won't be very good..." I looked away.

He examined it for a moment, his expression unchanging. "You need to put weights into the crust when it's baking so it won't crumble. The decorative strawberries should be placed after the tart is baked, not before. Also, judging by the denseness of the cream, you didn't add enough milk."

I looked down. "I'm sorry..."

"But since you made it for me, I guess I'll accept it." He avoided my glance, clearly flustered by his compliment.

I smiled. "Thank you, Mako-kun!"

Then I added, "Try it."

Mako-kun cut off a small piece of it. Then, after hesitating for a moment, he complied.

For a moment, I saw something flicker in his cold, emotionless eyes. Almost like a lost light had come back again, igniting the darkness with a strange sense of hope.

Then, Mako-kun turned around and ran.

And as his footsteps slowly faded away, I felt the last bit of hope in my heart disappear with them.

* * *

_Why? Why did Mako-kun leave? What did I do wrong?_

I ran a hand over my eyes, brushing away the tears. I had looked everywhere. But I still hadn't found Mako-kun.

I was about to give up searching when suddenly, I remembered.

The one place I hadn't looked yet.

That was where I found him.

He was sitting on the same hill, watching the sunset.

I sat down next to him. For a while, there was just silence.

Slowly, I reached out and took his hand in mine. "Mako-kun..." I whispered.

Mako-kun jerked his hand away. "I told you not to call me that!" He glared at me, caramel eyes flashing dangerously. Then he lowered his head, his golden bangs covering his eyes. "Go away."

I was about to reply when I saw them.

The tears in his eyes.

I froze, the words forgotten.

I didn't get it. _Why?_ Mako-kun never cried. He was always there for me when I did. So couldn't I do anything to help him?

Anything at all?

"Why?" I finally choked out. "What was wrong with my strawberry tart?"

"I lost the girl I loved most, okay?" Mako-kun yelled, tears forming in his eyes for the first time. "I could have saved her, but I didn't! You'll never understand how I feel!"

"When we met, I taught her how to make a strawberry tart. But she's gone now. And she'll never come back." His voice was softer now.

"I'm so sorry, Kashino." I finally uttered, unable to suppress a tremor in my voice.

What he didn't know was that I _was _that girl.

I only wished I could tell him.

* * *

I clenched my fists, trying to hold back my tears from spilling out.

It didn't work.

* * *

**Me: Argh. That was the longest, most boring chapter I've ever written. It didn't flow well at all... and it was really rushed, too... T.T**

**I'm so sorry if I disappointed you guys. I probably did... ****DX**

**Kashino: You made that face the wrong way.**

**Me: XP Grrr...**

**Anyways, please review! ****If you do, you get a chocolate cake personally made by Kashino!** ➙** {~*~*~*~}**

******Kashino: Yeah right. In your dreams. XP**

******Miya: Oh, Makoto-kun... -3- Make a cake for me, too! Oh, and of course, as a _reward _I'll kiss you with my _special _lipstick on! It's mixed with superglue, so the moment our lips meet we'll be together _forever... _XDDDD**

**Kashino: GAH! O_O FINE! Whatever! You all get a chocolate cake! XP Just make sure SHE doesn't come here again... XP**

**Me: ^.^ Thanks to all my reviewers! You're all too nice... TTuTT**

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**Also, to all the people who favorited or followed it... thank you. Same to everyone who just read it... :)**

**Oh my gosh, I seriously can't describe how much I love you all. You guys are just too amazing... :'D I love you all from the bottom of my kokoro! ^.~**


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